Inspired by Life

Dear God, sometimes i find surrender is more the opposite of what i imagined it to be. the more selfish possessions/ambitions/wants You rip out of my heart the harder and more painful it becomes to see them go. i thought it would be easier to surrender to Your will as i got older, because i would see Your hand at work in my life in an area that You took - i would realize how "it" was now so much better in Your hands than it ever was in mine and the fruit that now blossomed from a branch that was dead - i would understand more of the freedom of loss of control and the sweet peace of trusting in my Lord. now don't get me wrong - i have! i have seen this in my life over and over again. but the longer i hold onto a desire, the harder it becomes for You to take this desire from me, the more i fight to keep it in my soul, and the more painful when You, at times, break my hand to release the grip that holds tight to this desire of my heart and flesh. You've asked for a lot...

We're giving it all away, away Giving it all to go Your way We're giving it all away, away Giving it all to go Your way In the Father there is freedom There is hope in the name that is Jesus Lay your life down, give it all now We are found in the love of the Savior We've come alive in You Set free to show the truth Our lives will never be the same We're giving it all away, away Giving it all to go Your way We're giving it all away, away Giving it all to go Your way We are sold out to Your calling Everything that we are for Your glory Take our hearts now, have it all now Let our lives shine the light like the morning We've come alive in You Set free to show the truth Our lives will never be the same We're giving it all away, away Giving it all to go Your way We're giving it all away, away Giving it all to go Your way Roll back the curtains from our eyes And now we can see You Shown us Your way, Your truth and life We offer our lives to bring You fame We...

My life. true story. (and yes i'm a nerd for actually taking the time to figure this out) But seriously - what's wrong with this picture? Work, school, sleep, eat, study...a large portion of my life is spent doing these things. I have about 2.5 hours of "flex time"/day (time that is not specifically designated to a certain task). i live life through a planner...and though i love spontaneity, my schedule frowns upon it. With school demanding excellence, work demanding time and energy, my church family demanding devotion, it is difficult to maintain balance. One thing that i'm embarrassed by, more than i can hardly admit is the fact that the smallest percent of my time is spent with the Lord in QTs (quiet time). How is it that the thing that i love the most and get the most joy from is what i do least...? God is everything to me...but does my pie-chart reflect it? i'm going to venture to guess that analysing this data may lead you to conclusions that may not be ...

Come Whisper of Life Breathe air into space So stagnet and stale So empty a space A prayer gone up To heaven a call An answer returns A repy not small A call to greatness A call to stand tall Not by thine own strength Unless you should fall But lean on the Rock The Tower so strong No quivers or shakes You cannot go wrong A moment in time A Book of pages... Choose for yourself The Rock of Ages Oh, Rock that is feared A refuge for any A comfort and peace Sought after by many Not found by evil Or men that are mean But the pure in heart Those whose hands are clean JDog 2011

if i wandered to the edge of the ocean shore, fell down and laid there for hours... if i climbed to the top a building, sat down and stared at the sky for hours... if i ran into the middle of corn field, spread a blanket and relaxed for hours... if i jumped on my bike, started peddling and biked for hours if i walked into a chapel, fell to my knees and stayed there for hours... ...i'd stare. i'd stare at the beauty of the crashing waves i'd stare at the clouds majestic in their heavens i'd stare at the wheat heads elegantly waving at the wind i'd stare at the endless country side whizzing before my eyes i'd stare at the face of God don't stare at me. you'll miss too much...

It's always a dangerous venture to write a blog without inspiration...but i thought that perhaps my lack of inspiration would be inspiration enough. I was wondering the other day, where my inspiration had gone? Did it run away? Did i scare it away? Was it taken away? Or did i simply use it up? ...can one run out of inspiration? Inspiration : "stimulation or arousal of the mind, feelings, etc, to special/unusual activity or creativity" So, perhaps if one is not "stimulated," a feeling of lack-of-inspiration can occur? What stimulates you? What gets you excited? What arouses your passionate side? What evokes strong feelings within you? Art? Media? Literature? Dance? Music? Morals? Injustice? People? God? Photography? Wow! YES, photography! ...photos, images, pictures, colors and messages painted in color of time - they INSPIRE PEOPLE! ...i know for me, all of the above inspire me to some extent, but my inspiration of the things of this world are dull in compariso...

May this be my desire and prayer - that i would burn with passion over my Lord and King - that He would be my soul's desire, that there would be a deep longing in my heart to know Him even more, and that i would not be satisfied until i have met Him face to face. Meet Me in my quiet moments, my Lord. Meet me in the noise. Hold me fast in your arms of grace. Revive my soul with the joy of Your salvation - oh that i may glorify You and bring Your name the honor it deserves. I'm humbled by Your majesty and speechless by your greatness. i desire. i hunger. i long. for. You. for You. "My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God." Ps 84:2

Hit the edge Spit it out No words unspoken Make it truth And watch the ripple

This past week i've come to the very real realization how absolutely LAME life is without Christ. Maybe you're thinking like WHAT!? ...don't freak out...most probably, i am even more in love with Christ today than ever. However, let's just say my week was very "dry." There were no insightful revelations that bring me hope and wisdom...or prophetic moments that both encourage and terrorize my soul...or moments of tears in prayer that i have come to love and hate. It was just - dry . Secretly, i think i knew all week why my times with Jesus were not rich...i stayed away from very pointed or directed scripture addressing sin, direction on behavior in the life of a believer, or our attitude towards others, etc ...anything dealing with me and my attitude/behavior, anything that didn't force me to take a look inside myself, anything that didn't force me to want to change/correct another weakness/failure in my life. Main focus was on God, how awesome He is, H...

The pain itself is not felt or hurt At the time of the affliction. Only after, when the poison has sunk in A wound drives deep with mixed emotion. The pain itself is not heard or seen Once the word is spoken. Only after, the meaning revealed A sword drives deep; a heart that's broken. So speak the words of kindness and of wisdom This is my prayer and delight To clothe a woman in confidence And set a doomed man straight To release the bonds of fear And ravish in the arms of freedom Knowing that it is not i who speaks But He Who speaks For me. So dry that cup once filled with rage Let loose the pain that held you back And fill instead that cup of yours All the graces of which you lack. JDog 2011

Reading through Matthew 6 ...it's packed with truth (like the tough stuff that you have to chew on for a while). Towards the end, Jesus talks about not worrying about tomorrow, or food, or clothes, etc... "For your heavenly Father KNOWS that you need all these things." Matt 6:23b God knows what i need! He will provide EVERYTHING! He WILL PROVIDE! "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you." Matt 6:33 For a while (you know, back when i was little) i thought that meant if i seek God's kingdom first, i'll get all the food and clothes that i wanted. Sounded like a pretty good deal to me, right? Like piles of clothes stacked on one another so i actually have wardrobe options in the morning when i wake up! So i started to seek God's kingdom, only to realize i had no idea what that even looked like/meant. I tried my best, but i definitely wasn't getting any new clothes. What's up? Dissapointed, i admi...

Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote this poem during his time in prison in the 1940s. He was a determined man of God that influenced many for Christ during the harships of Hitler, yet struggled with the same fleshly battle all of us face. "Who am I? They often tell me I stepped from my cell's confinement calmly, cheerfully, firmly, like a Squire from his country house. Who am I? They often tell me I used to speak to my warders freely and friendly and clearly as though it were mine to command. Who am I? They also tell me I bore the days of misfortune equably, smilingly, proudly, like one accustomed to win. Am I then really that which other men tell of? Or am I only what I myself know of myself? Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage, struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat, yearning for colours, for flowers, for the voices of birds, thirsting for words of kindness, for neighbourliness, tossing in expectation of great events, powerlessly trembling f...

Forever. Integrating. God's. Holy. Truth. i was challenged the last couple weeks through "ROOTS" to grow in areas of daily disciplines in my life through little acts of obedience. Already i have seen some of the fruit of being faithful in the little things. For example: maybe this is silly, like something i should have learned in grade school, but the simple act of making my bed every morning. i share a small twin sized bunk bed with my little sister, where i sleep on the bottom. And since i'm usually pretty groggy in the morning, making my bed isn't exactly one of those easy things that i get down on my hands and knees to do...no it's more like i squeeze into my tiny triangle of space, contort my body, and with a lot of flopping and flailing of arms, hope that covers come out on top. But challenge or not, i was convicted of my lack of faithfulness in this small area of my life. So i became determined to change. Every day...every morning, whether it was a good...

Jacob knew he was not worthy of all the lovingkindness and of all the faithfulness which God had shown to him (Genesis 32:10). Job knew he was not worthy to reply to God before His presence (Job 40:4). John the baptist knew he was not worthy to stoop down and untie the straps of the sandals of Jesus (Mark 1:7). The centurion knew he was not worthy to have Jesus come under the roof of his house or even come to Jesus to ask for help (Luke 7:7). Do you ever feel unworthy? i feel unworthy A LOT. i feel unworthy to be called a bond servant of the Most High King. How could He choose me? What did He see in me that looked promising at all? i am not worthy of His grace, His mercy, and His daily forgiveness. How is He so infinite in patience? Why does He take pride in calling me His child? Like really? Like really...He does! And it is absolutely NOTHING that i have done. He didn't choose to bring me out of darkness b/c i looked "promising" NO! He brought me out of darkness b/c i w...

"You, my princess, are destined to win. I know how tired you often become, just by trying to do and say all the right things. Take that pressure off yourself, b/c I did not put it there. The world may judge you by what they see and hear, but I look within your heart, My child. I see your desire to please Me, and I see your struggle to please others. If you want to win this endurance race, you must let go of your need for the approval of others and seek My will and My pleasure. Simplify your life, and let go of the burdens that weigh you down. You'll find that My grace will lighten your step, and My favor will even draw others to join you. Yes, at times you will stumble and fall. But don't worry. I'm here to help you get back up again - as often as it takes. Make it your daily passion to run with Me, and I will carry you over the finish line of your faith. Together we will win! Love, Your King and your Champion" Taken from "His Princ...

Black and blue...Was it worth it? Cuts and scares...Did it make you? The hollow sound of an empty room. Screaming. Pierce the night. Curse this wicked land! Rivers run dry. And grounds crack. A whip drives the desert forward. Never satisfied. Always thirsty. Seeking... Prey upon the innocent. STOP. IS THUS EVERYONE SILENT?!?! DO YOU NOT HEAR HER CRY? AND YET SIT?!?! Does the heat not rise within you? Do the words not break through chains for release? MERCY! JUSTICE! How long will i stay in this baren land? When will my children arise? Am i to be as a stranger forever? The night too long. My sleep has not come. To wrestle, i am too weary. To give in, i CANNOT. To fight, i MUST. But why? Drops of blood down my face. This furrowed brow now aches. The burden heavy. My heart crushed. This world... ...slipping. Is all my love enough? JDog 2011

I once met a pretty free-spirited homeless man, well actually more like chased him down in a field b/c i was so convinced that the Lord wanted me to speak to him, but anyways...we started talking about God and life after death. He told me about his childhood as a missionary kid and how he believes in a "deity" that is good and rules this world, but believes that when we die - that's it and there is nothing afterwards. So our mission here on this earth is to live at peace with nature and the people around us. He went on to say that he strongly supports Christianity because it changes bad people into good people...everyone shares, they are more kind/loving their neighbor etc. So though he no longer believes in God, he still clings to the morals of Christianity. He even encouraged me to keep up what i was doing "people need to hear your message." Dude, what? "For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own des...

So...i've been personal training for over a year now. Best job of my life (so far). It feels like only a couple days ago i was sitting on the edge of a treadmill in a quiet little room crying over in my mind the prospects of even becoming a trainer...what i would have to give up, work on, and strive for to become the person i wanted to be, if i was ready, and if my passion for the Lord would be compromised by the dedication to this career field? Well, so far it has been more challenging than i ever imagined, more rewarding than i dreamed, and more time consuming than i bargained for. None the less I LOVE IT! Training has been my dream job for about five years...let me tell you - when i received my official certification it was like being on the platform of the Olympic ceremonies receiving my first medal. But as any athlete will tell you, with time, that electric sensation of all your dreams coming true slowly fades...and it's back to either everyday life or the next big dream. ...

i'm not taking marriage stuff...i'm talking about spiritual warfare and the battle of flesh...willingness to confidently take your stand against all odds. Sometimes i want so badly to have a heart like Christ's but i can't seem to muster it up within myself, no matter how hard that i try. i want to think like Christ, love like Christ, but i can't seem to shake this earthly flesh of mine off - it just will not go away! As Elizabeth Elliot said: "i was wishing that my wishes were what God wished, but if my wishes were not what God wished, i wished that i could wish that my wishes would go away, but the wishes were still there." ...Sounds a lot like Paul in Romans 7, eh? "For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no long...

So i have this closet in my room. Size: 40"X38" inches ...in other words: approximately dinky. And i've realized that it gets progressively harder to get into this closet of mine, especially since freshman year (i would like to say it's b/c i've accumulated more clothes since then, but that's not what i was referring to). But anyways...a couple years ago, my sister (who at the time shared this closet) moved out which left a good little chunk of extra space. Super excited, i cleaned, ridded, and organized my things remaining and hollowed out a little space on the floor which became a perfect crawl hole that i turned into my "prayer closet." You see, I live in a house with 10 other people and there's really not a lot of space where there aren't people. It's hard to "get alone with the Lord" sometimes. So i decided to make the closet my hidden sanctuary. There were many late nights and early mornings that my legs fell asleep curled...

People come and go in our lives...people we dearly love. There is a time for mourning but we have to move on. Our life here on earth is short - too short in fact to dwell on any one thing. But every once in a while a memory floats back into our mind...a tear totters on the edge of our eye lid and once again we find ourselves enraptured in a sweet memory of a moment past. Dear lady, this is for you: Endless, countless piles of treasures...my goodness, each day with you was a new adventure. So many moments of laughter that i love to go back on over and over again in my mind. Remember that time i fell into a pile of your things and created the epitome of a "the domino effect" and we laughed so hard that i couldn't get up? Or that time we came upon a nest of ants and before i knew it i was on my hands and knees killing them with a fly swatter as fast as you were with your bare hands? Somehow you got me to do things i would have NEVER done in my life, but somehow when i was wi...

Wet drops that dare not run the journey of a cheek Held back by an invisible wall - a false front. Fear of emotion on a face pierced by pain. Promised life that never cries - but SCREAMS for release. A hidden spirit rising - undaunted. The pains of birth pressing with no promise of a child. Haunting memory...endless, countless moments lost. To return - i cannot. To go on - i have no choice. Always a choice...always two paths before you. To "live" or merely "exist." Not for the brave heart or the faceless giant To repair the broken bough of the cedar Or redeem justice for speechless toungues, But to the owner of the blood streaked countenance. Sleepless nights...bruised knees...knuckles white. For the kiss of a traitor In exchange for my life. What passion - what driving love... Does it nothing less than wrap the very core of our soul And tease the thirst within us? Oh, that life was never stolen And love grew as the wild flowers In a world before the time of death....

Occasionally someone gets the opportunity to travel to a different city within their state, perhaps to another state, or maybe even over seas. Whatever the draw for travel inevidibly new experiences are had...opportunities are made to meet different people...and memories are made. Though i have not done extensive travel, i too have taken journeys. i have traveled to multiply states within the U.S. both big cities and small towns - into the ghetto, on the streets with the homeless, in the million dollar homes of the ritz, to the home farm in the country...i have traveled down into the heart of Mexico and even to Africa. Each time my eyes have been opened to new experiences, cultures, and lifestyles. i am always amazed to the simplicity of the gospel message...the same God that i know in America is the same God of the church in China, in Chile, in Uganda... i have a lot of college friends that go to a foreign country and come back with a huge "heart" and "passion...

The board was out And with the pieces sat up, I pleaded with my eyes For Grandpa to get up. I did not know If for checkers he cared, But he got up Out of his soft, comfy chair. So we sat at the table With the board in front of us And started to play Without any fuss. Well, the game got going And was looking good, For me to win Maybe I would. The corner of my lip Turned up in a curl As a sly little smirk Arose on my face. I moved my piece, Waiting to bait My first win ever I could hardly wait! He reached out his hand, Suspended in air... It stopped, then hesitated, I could'a pulled out my hair! How could he pause? He knew his fate. He was only stalling Prolonging my wait. The hours crept by (At least to me it seemed), Would he ever move? I wanted to scream! I studied and pondered The board with intent Looking for a move Perhaps I had missed. Then to my dismay It all became clear... A dream come true Of my very worst fear! In my rush to win With my puffed up chest, My eyes were blind...