reckless...

so...our dude-that-talks for Resistance Thursday evenings challenged us this morning to take up the gospel. like SERIOUSLY. this guy - there's no lukewarm in his book...

"JOIN US. THIS IS OUR WORLD. THIS IS OUR TIME."

over and over again in my mind the words "will you commit? will you commit?" rang in my ears. wanting so badly to ignore the pressing heartbeat in my chest and the cry of my soul to get up and scream "I WILL. I WILL." I just sat there. numbed to move. too afraid to feel. no emotion, not here...not now please.

...i....can't.

oh boy. why is it so hard for me to commit? maybe fear of failure knowing that i have been unfaithful in the past? maybe b/c of the hurt that i have felt before from people that said they would commit and didn't? maybe the challenge of giving my life away to something else other than my selfish desires? maybe just knowing that this may be the hardest yet best decision i will ever make after giving my life to Christ five years ago?

Has it not been my hope and my fervent prayer that God instills in my heart an abandoned devotion to Jesus Christ and a whole-hearted commitment to global proclamation of His gospel? Since the day I was saved, this has been on my mind and heart. Now when face to face with this decision...suddenly "i can't?"
COME ON pu-leeeease! don't even give me that!

So i say NO! to "i can't", NO! to fear, and NO! to doubt. and YES! to committing my life to the fulfillment of the Great Commission in my life time and YES! to doing this together in a Great Commission church community. i'm tired of sitting on the fence. i understand that God has not called the faint-hearted. this will not be easy. oh, but the great adventures to come!!!

Comments

  1. JennaNovember 2, 2010 at 3:32 PM

    Good to hear Janalee. I know, I used to be so quick to commit to anything and everything, and from that comes failure, undoubtedly, because as you know, as mere humans we are uncapable of giving ourselves wholly to many things, but one thing, a couple things, or maybe even 3 things... YES!! These days I'm not so quick to jump on to every wagon that stirs my heart, because I've finally realized my capabilities, and have come to better understand that God is not calling ME to save the world. He'll do it, through all of his followers doing the few things whole heartedly that He has called them to.
    It sounds like God is really moving your heart! And I'm so happy to hear that you are committing! God is leading you into it... you will be amazing!
    You're a missionary, Janalee. Maybe that's oversees, or maybe that's in the states or down the street, but your heart is like the hearts of missionaries I read about it books and testimonies and documentaries. You remind me a lot of Elisabeth Elliot. Do you know her? I'm sure you do, but if you don't, look her up, as well as her first husband, Jim Elliot.
    Love you! Be bold, fear not.

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