Wow! THE VIEW!

So...i've been personal training for over a year now. Best job of my life (so far). It feels like only a couple days ago i was sitting on the edge of a treadmill in a quiet little room crying over in my mind the prospects of even becoming a trainer...what i would have to give up, work on, and strive for to become the person i wanted to be, if i was ready, and if my passion for the Lord would be compromised by the dedication to this career field?

Well, so far it has been more challenging than i ever imagined, more rewarding than i dreamed, and more time consuming than i bargained for. None the less I LOVE IT! Training has been my dream job for about five years...let me tell you - when i received my official certification it was like being on the platform of the Olympic ceremonies receiving my first medal. But as any athlete will tell you, with time, that electric sensation of all your dreams coming true slowly fades...and it's back to either everyday life or the next big dream. I feel like i'm following the next big dream. However for me it's not just a single next big dream, it's like a hundred next big dreams. Aaaah! And i'm torn...

You're "suppose to" have identity crises in high school...understandable. Then in college your "suppose to" establish the foundation for your career...reasonable. Then life takes unexpected turns and people often find themselves doing something else either beyond or totally opposite from what they originally started...life happens. For me, it's like all three have been packaged in a nice "three-for-the-price-of-one" deal and i opened the box without even realizing what was inside and before i could put the lid back on all the contents spilled out into my lap, and here i sit. A decision is before me, b/c obviously i can't live the rest of my life with all these things in my lap...there's some cleaning, some sorting, and maybe even some throwing-away that needs to happen before i can move on.

And as you can guess, some reflection has come from all this "cleaning and sorting." The major question being: What defines me?
Is it my job? My church? My status on facebook? COME ON!? for real? Like, i'm really proud of my job, both as CNA and a personal trainer, and i love my church family and am so proud of the work that we are doing for the Lord BUT here's the skinny:

NOTHING in this life defines me more than who i am in Christ.

In the words of Lecrae' song IDENTITY:
"In Christ she is loved she secure and accepted. She'll never be rejected by God who's elected her. Her beauty is her Godliness. And she ain't gotta to flaunt it Cause it's obvious. Identity is found in the God we trust. Any other identity will. self. de. struct."

Oh how easy our mind grows fuzzy with this world's self-absorption and we loose focus on the reason behind what we are doing. i told the Lord that i would use this career in personal training to minister to insecure women ... not really a bargain with the Lord, but more like: "Lord if you will allow me to get this job, i want to make sure i'm using it to glorify You ALONE." But i'll be honest - i've lost focus as of late as to why i train, why i'm in this job, and why i love it so much. Perhaps my mind has slipped once again to self and forgot that the Lord gives and takes away - He is sovereign and my life is at His mercy. i've been doing a lot with ministry and outreach on campus, but my heart has not been in it 100%. What really goes through my head? "Well, yeah, i go to church and i'm pretty involved. I love the fellowship, but my mind often wonders to the gym and how long it will take to work off these cookies we're having for small group... Or i'm on my knees in prayer and my mind wonders to how bad this is for my knees and whether or not i will get more varicose veins b/c i'm cutting off circulation in my legs... Or i'm listening to a sermon and i get inspired and wonder if i can inspire and challenge my clients as the pastor has done for me... Or i'm dedicated to reading the Bible everyday for the rest of my life, but instead of delighting in Christ's Word during my precious times with my Lord in the morning, i'm thinking about everyone that is at the gym working out that morning..." And it just goes on and on in my mind. i've been very honest here - there is no shame in being human. Even though i'm a believer in Jesus Christ, i still struggle and constantly have to take my thoughts captive and consciously set my mind on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable — things that are excellent or praiseworthy(Phil 4:8). It takes effort: holiness does not just happen automatically, there must be a will of the mind.

Why do i do the things i do? Do the actions i take for the Lord stem from my love and adoration for Him? Do i strive for holiness or self-glorification? Do i live to please and honor my King that desires nothing less for my life? Do i really believe that the plans that God has for me are the BEST THING for my life (even when they take me down a road that i didn't expect or even want)?

...

I do NOT want anything in my life to compromise my passion for the Lord. All of my decisions in life stem from this simple principle: to glorify God to the best of my ability here on this earth.

No matter how much "cleaning and sorting" of dreams, career paths, and priorities we will do in our life time, one thing remains: there will be a day when God's glory will return to Him - when he returns to this earth and restores His people back to Himself. And what we choose to do on this earth will not matter in light of eternity with Christ.
Because i am a new creation in Christ, (2 Cor 5:17) i no longer have to satisfy the worldly pleasures that clog the drain for the Holy Spirit to flow through. Though i once walked in the darkness of this world and was dead in my sins, God made me ALIVE in Him! (Eph 2:4-7) If we let Him, God opens our eyes to see our life in a different perspective...
then we take a step back and say "Wow! The view from here is GREAT!"